Honestly? This just put me in my place at the same time it offered validation. Yeah, there’s this very predictable trap of praise followed by dismissal mainly when you’re a woman with a creative inclination (not only by men, but by your family and friends too), but gosh I do need to be more mindful when reaching for artists I admire too. It’s a very arrogant behaviour from admirers to assume the artist own you attention and fulfil their projections just because they admire said artist. We gotta find better ways of praising and showing recognition beyond this parasocial false proximity social media gives us. DMs are pervasive lol
I loved this deeply. It’s like you scratched the accusation of aesthetic validation to get at the thing deeper, lurking under it all that we feel but can’t always articulate. Definitely an invitation for introspection from a place not of shame but of actually feeling validated in your wanting. Thank you!
I’ve been experiencing a lot of work rejection lately - in many ways the opposite of the situation jn which you find yourself - but the underlying feelings, the hunger, is the same, and it made me feel less alone to see those feelings expressed here. Thank you.
thank you for sharing lexi 💕 it means a lot. regarding the work rejection – it took me 4.5 months and 50+ rejections to land my new role. it is absolutely, definitely, most certainly not you.
But thank you for sharing this experience! It's refreshing to see someone be so open about the desire for validation. It's so human, and I feel it all the time too, but I often feel like I'm weak or something for feeling that way. I'm always working to care less about external validation, but it's reassuring to know that a writer I admire so much struggles with a similar thing! Really beautiful writing Valerie!
thank you so much Caroline! you’re too kind. i do think sensitivity goes hand in hand with validation hunger. trying to comfort myself that way if nothing else 😁
thank you for writing this, i am holding close that image of a hug that steadies, that strips away the glittering hollow praise we’ve been taught to survive on. a quiet, anchoring kind of love that makes every oversimplified compliment dissolve into smoke. i, too, want to live boldly in that space; to crave less the flash of admiration and more the weight of being truly seen. this piece breathed that longing into language!!!
Phenomal read. Really resonated with strangers projecting who they think you should be and then being disappointed with you being yourself?!? It's an odd paradox for sure
Something about the way you write resonates so deeply with me. Not just the content, but the form of your prose. I keep coming back to this article and to 'you can just leave' whenever I feel like I need to hear a friend say things to me but don't actually have the energy to reach out to anyone. I wanted to let you know. Thank you for writing. <3
Honestly? This just put me in my place at the same time it offered validation. Yeah, there’s this very predictable trap of praise followed by dismissal mainly when you’re a woman with a creative inclination (not only by men, but by your family and friends too), but gosh I do need to be more mindful when reaching for artists I admire too. It’s a very arrogant behaviour from admirers to assume the artist own you attention and fulfil their projections just because they admire said artist. We gotta find better ways of praising and showing recognition beyond this parasocial false proximity social media gives us. DMs are pervasive lol
this is such a beautiful and poignant perspective – couldn’t agree more letícia ❤️
Hell is misquoters of philosophers disguised as pretty petty poets.
"Feedback that helps you be amazing, not extravagant praise that insists you already are." exactly why i cant look at notes on here
yes!
This being so sincere makes it cut deeper. Thank you Valerie.
thank you for reading Henry!
Damn girl. You did it again.
thank you 💌
I had to leave a comment but can’t find the right words. This hit deep. Thanks for putting it into the world.
thank you so much – i’m so happy it did 💕
This was such an empowering read. Thank you!!!
thank you for reading! 🤍
I loved this deeply. It’s like you scratched the accusation of aesthetic validation to get at the thing deeper, lurking under it all that we feel but can’t always articulate. Definitely an invitation for introspection from a place not of shame but of actually feeling validated in your wanting. Thank you!
thank you for the beautiful observation Cassie 🩵
Thank you for sharing, Valerie. I feel so seen and so understood and i really relate to this :’) wonderful writing as always.
that makes me so happy Marie ❤️
I’ve been experiencing a lot of work rejection lately - in many ways the opposite of the situation jn which you find yourself - but the underlying feelings, the hunger, is the same, and it made me feel less alone to see those feelings expressed here. Thank you.
thank you for sharing lexi 💕 it means a lot. regarding the work rejection – it took me 4.5 months and 50+ rejections to land my new role. it is absolutely, definitely, most certainly not you.
Aww, thank you, Valerie. I appreciate that ☺️
This guyyyyy **massive eye roll**
But thank you for sharing this experience! It's refreshing to see someone be so open about the desire for validation. It's so human, and I feel it all the time too, but I often feel like I'm weak or something for feeling that way. I'm always working to care less about external validation, but it's reassuring to know that a writer I admire so much struggles with a similar thing! Really beautiful writing Valerie!
thank you so much Caroline! you’re too kind. i do think sensitivity goes hand in hand with validation hunger. trying to comfort myself that way if nothing else 😁
oh wow. thank you for this.
thank YOU!
Thank you for writing this 🖤
thank you for reading beautiful 🩵
thank you for writing this, i am holding close that image of a hug that steadies, that strips away the glittering hollow praise we’ve been taught to survive on. a quiet, anchoring kind of love that makes every oversimplified compliment dissolve into smoke. i, too, want to live boldly in that space; to crave less the flash of admiration and more the weight of being truly seen. this piece breathed that longing into language!!!
Phenomal read. Really resonated with strangers projecting who they think you should be and then being disappointed with you being yourself?!? It's an odd paradox for sure
Something about the way you write resonates so deeply with me. Not just the content, but the form of your prose. I keep coming back to this article and to 'you can just leave' whenever I feel like I need to hear a friend say things to me but don't actually have the energy to reach out to anyone. I wanted to let you know. Thank you for writing. <3