the sacred relationship between a woman and her notes app

passwords, kisses, breakdowns, government secrets

there’s nothing more sacred than the intimate connection a woman shares with her notes app. it’s arguably the most universal app our phones offer, and the options are truly endless: you could be writing down takeaways from a work meeting, drafting an instagram caption, or fighting for your life and sanity all in one. i never delete any of the notes i take because i refuse to let my current self erase my only legacy — my past. with its own beating heart, unhinged and raw, the archive is a blueprint of my soul. too precious to erase, too dangerous to keep.

you’ll find everything and anything in that pesky little default app. if i were to accidentally delete mine, it would be comparable to the burning of the library of alexandria, except maybe 10x worse. the notes app is a paradoxical liminal space: it’s so important i can’t afford to lose it and yet i wouldn’t let anyone, and i cannot stress this enough, see it under any circumstances. i decided to give mine a good cleanup recently because spring is around the corner, and found some gems. i also discovered that most of the notes i take can be grouped into specific categories. here are some of them:

message drafts

god, i love big tech. i’m convinced the notes app was invented for this very purpose. any text that feels too sensitive, too important to type out directly goes in here for structure, proper copywriting, editing, and then a final grand makeover. sometimes you just need that extra step, a safety cushion between typing and sending - whether out of fear or out of earnest desire to say exactly what needs to be said. i draft everything in the notes before heading to the actual platform where i’m going to send it: from messages to my manager to important emails and announcements. anything to ease an anxious mind! the latest draft i have is this breakup text (lol) i diligently prepared and rewrote a dozen times before finally parting ways with someone i was semi-casually seeing. i still keep it in my notes as a treat as a reminder that i’m not conflict avoidant — i just hate dealing with unintelligent men.

breakup but make it cunty

attempts at organization

grocery and shopping lists, to-do bullet points or travel itineraries, whatever. for me it’s mostly groceries: now and then i go full ballistic michelin chef mode. i love cooking, i really do — it’s one of the very few things i enjoy without perfectionism. plus, eating something you made yourself adds a little je ne sais quoi flavor. why not just google the recipe and screenshot it, you ask? well, have you ever been to a recipe website? the design alone hurts my eyes. no thanks.

asian grocery stores supremacy

fighting-for-your-life poetry

whatever happens in the middle of a mental breakdown is between you, god, and your notes app. it’s more accessible than therapy and less demanding than journaling. my notes have done more for me than any antidepressant on the market. this is your non-judgmental battlefield, a clean slate, and a rendezvous with the most terrifying thoughts at your lowest point. if you’re lucky, you’ll get a masterpiece on the other side of screaming into the void. i love scrolling through the deranged poems and realizing i don’t even remember who or what they were about. as they say, 24/7 sylvia plath. betterhelp could never.

2023

2022

THEEEE list

every woman has one, and if you say you don’t, i’m going to bluntly assume you’re lying to my face. sure, you don’t have to literally keep track of everything, but there’s at least some sort of documentation with specific criteria going on. tell me i’m wrong. the data that goes on the list is a very personal choice. mm-dd-yyyy or a detailed yelp-esque review? entirely up to you. i suggest keeping it simple: initials (no full names — feels too formal), zodiac sign, and date. social security number is optional. a rating is useful, too: be sure that very few get ranked above 7, and some unfortunate beings will have their rating lowered retroactively. thoughts and prayers to the fallen soldiers.

passwords

“keep your password safe” sure will! what do you mean a default app tim cook planted in my phone isn’t the safest choice? thy phone is thy friend, not foe. what is a password vault? to be fair, my notes are disorganized to a point where the mess alone offers better protection than any two-factor authentication could, so good luck. no hacker would dare to figure out what’s going on there. cia wishes they had an ounce of my lore. truth be told, this system isn’t working even for me — i’m lucky if i write down which password goes on which website. i also don’t trust google’s password manager (but somehow have no problem devoting all my top secret info to apple… crickets). actually, now that i’m thinking about this, please send help… what’s a good password vault that works on multiple devices and doesn’t cost a fortune?

ways to get smarter

this category ranges from book quotes to podcast links. i’m always trying to get smarter, albeit lazily — as a non-native speaker, i love me a list of english words i want to incorporate into my everyday vocabulary. do you think nabokov had one too? he was a bilingual king, eloquent in both russian and english. rip vladimir (not that one, unfortunately), you would’ve loved iphones.

evidently, my apparatus is not to be reasoned with

i honestly don’t trust people who keep their thoughts neatly collected in all the right places. i almost feel like they’re faking it. there’s something about being a highly functional member of society that’s so performative… they can keep all their calendars and spreadsheets and digital formalities to themselves. the notes app is my canvas and i’m an impressionist.

does scrolling through your notes app give you whiplash? i think that’s okay. documenting the delicate interior of your thought process doesn’t have to be orderly or chronological, and it doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but you. i wouldn’t worry about privacy — we’re way past the point of digital privacy being a thing (unless you’ve been meticulous about it since tumblr days).

what’s the weirdest note you’ve ever taken? comment or send me your most insane screenshot — i’m so genuinely curious about this phenomenon. the crazier the better.

until next week!

with reticence,

valerie