This is political, Valerie, I loved the book “On our best behavior: The price women pay to be good”, because it explores how the 7 deadly sins, are tools for conditioning women. I have a community project for grief, and I find the right to be angry super valuable, it shows us our limits, it helps us state our boundaries, and yet is one of the most punished emotions for women (as sadness is for men). I’m with you, I find the portrayal of female anger in art important and delicious. It reminds us of our power, that doesn’t depend on us being likeable all the time.
wow this is incredibly insightful Alejandra, thank you so much. i'm stunned. ordering that book ASAP! would love to know more about your community project - is it available online?
Thank you, Valerie. It’s one of my favorite books from last year, let me know what you think. Yes, it’s mostly lead through Instagram @noestassoloclub. I’m from Mexico, so we started the project for Spanish speakers, because we felt that there was very few information with a compassionate and realistic approach. But I’m always looking to build bridges, and we have connected with other grief communities in English. I find cross cultural connections super interesting. Would love to connect with you. 🫶🏼
I AM SO ANGRY READING THIS that i had to stop to comment after what he said to you about the followers. This happens all the time in skateboarding- sooo many men comment to complain about how female skateboarders get all the followers just cuz they're hot. but WHO ARE THE PEOPLE FOLLOWING THEM?! what are you really complaining about here?! that was a tangent but ugh.
i'm reading "Anita de Monte Laughs Last" and there is an inciduous relationship in it like the one you're describing. he doesn't outright criticize her, he gets under her skin to make his "suggestions" seem like caring.
going back to reading this, might have ten more comments.
you are so on point - as always. actually, the worst thing is that John reached out recently and for a brief moment i was tempted to go back to him :/ covertly mean people, especially men, are so dangerous
This felt so good to read. İ totally relate to ur feelings! Ugh, İ had an ex who told me that "İ have to change my hair colour once in a while to keep being interesting for him". He got to know me with green hair, said that after tWo WeEkS rElAtİoNsHiP... Boy— bye! He looked like a 10/10, had his own company at the age of 20. Looks familiar.. Dumbed him a month later - with green hair.
THIS was a cathartic read. You might also be interested to know that there's some evidence that constantly suppressing anger, people, and other intense emotions can worsen chronic illness and pain for people later in life (can't offer a study at this moment, but Gabor Mate discusses it in his book The Myth of Normal). I'm curious to know if your inclination to suppress anger also has anything to do with wanting to avoid feelings of guilt for hurting other people with expressions of anger? The topic of female rage is culturally fascinating to me, but I always come back to the question between how we draw the line between using anger to assert boundaries and express ourselves, and using it as a justification or excuse to hurt others. Would love to know your thoughts (and would also have loved to watch you telling John to fuck off <3)
demand more – can’t stress this enough!! we must consciously reassure ourselves again and again until it becomes second nature to us. i’m celebrating you DeAja, thank you 🤍
This is political, Valerie, I loved the book “On our best behavior: The price women pay to be good”, because it explores how the 7 deadly sins, are tools for conditioning women. I have a community project for grief, and I find the right to be angry super valuable, it shows us our limits, it helps us state our boundaries, and yet is one of the most punished emotions for women (as sadness is for men). I’m with you, I find the portrayal of female anger in art important and delicious. It reminds us of our power, that doesn’t depend on us being likeable all the time.
wow this is incredibly insightful Alejandra, thank you so much. i'm stunned. ordering that book ASAP! would love to know more about your community project - is it available online?
Thank you, Valerie. It’s one of my favorite books from last year, let me know what you think. Yes, it’s mostly lead through Instagram @noestassoloclub. I’m from Mexico, so we started the project for Spanish speakers, because we felt that there was very few information with a compassionate and realistic approach. But I’m always looking to build bridges, and we have connected with other grief communities in English. I find cross cultural connections super interesting. Would love to connect with you. 🫶🏼
Omg why theres atleast 1 guy that like that in a girl lifee 🥲 its a weird almost universal experience
i like to believe some people are just lessons from the universe 😬
I AM SO ANGRY READING THIS that i had to stop to comment after what he said to you about the followers. This happens all the time in skateboarding- sooo many men comment to complain about how female skateboarders get all the followers just cuz they're hot. but WHO ARE THE PEOPLE FOLLOWING THEM?! what are you really complaining about here?! that was a tangent but ugh.
i'm reading "Anita de Monte Laughs Last" and there is an inciduous relationship in it like the one you're describing. he doesn't outright criticize her, he gets under her skin to make his "suggestions" seem like caring.
going back to reading this, might have ten more comments.
you are so on point - as always. actually, the worst thing is that John reached out recently and for a brief moment i was tempted to go back to him :/ covertly mean people, especially men, are so dangerous
sooo dangerous. i wrote about it here in "the last man i ever dated" https://substack.com/home/post/p-144688340
I KNEW this guy was a dick. but somehow i felt compelled to keep getting his approval? as my tiktok title says : fuck the patriarchy.
Hey, loved this! What is your Instagram account name btw? Maybe it's somewhere else on your substack and I just can't see it lmfao
valerieestrina! and the newsletter’s instagram is club.reticent :)
Enjoyed reading this sm 🤍🤍
thank you love! ❤️ i’m glad you did!
This felt so good to read. İ totally relate to ur feelings! Ugh, İ had an ex who told me that "İ have to change my hair colour once in a while to keep being interesting for him". He got to know me with green hair, said that after tWo WeEkS rElAtİoNsHiP... Boy— bye! He looked like a 10/10, had his own company at the age of 20. Looks familiar.. Dumbed him a month later - with green hair.
with green hair! love it! 🤍
THIS was a cathartic read. You might also be interested to know that there's some evidence that constantly suppressing anger, people, and other intense emotions can worsen chronic illness and pain for people later in life (can't offer a study at this moment, but Gabor Mate discusses it in his book The Myth of Normal). I'm curious to know if your inclination to suppress anger also has anything to do with wanting to avoid feelings of guilt for hurting other people with expressions of anger? The topic of female rage is culturally fascinating to me, but I always come back to the question between how we draw the line between using anger to assert boundaries and express ourselves, and using it as a justification or excuse to hurt others. Would love to know your thoughts (and would also have loved to watch you telling John to fuck off <3)
great read. love how self aware you are < 3
demand more – can’t stress this enough!! we must consciously reassure ourselves again and again until it becomes second nature to us. i’m celebrating you DeAja, thank you 🤍