our year of zest and realizations

asking your favorite writers what they've learned this year

I hate making things about me. Well, that’s a lie, who am I kidding. I’m an attention seeker like anybody else on this platform (side-eyeing legacy media journalists claiming Substack is becoming influencer-y and inhospitable.) What isn’t a lie, though, is my gratitude for the endless opportunities for self-reflection, growth, and connections this platform has given me in 2024.

It’s been a tumultuous year, hasn’t it? The highs were high and the lows were dreadful. But also delicious, and a huge learning curve. I’ve been doing way too much self-reflection on here, so for this one, I decided to tap into other people’s brains for a change and ask them about their most important learnings this year. The people I went to also happen to be some of your favorite Substack authors. And I’m honored to have their generosity and friendship. Bet you didn’t see this crossover coming — let’s dig in.

What’s the most important thing you’ve learned this year?

Dia Lupo

the lesson that hit me over the head with a frying pan throughout 2024 was to choose simplicity. having a mental breakdown? go to the Cheesecake Factory- ignore all the wild options and opt for vanilla bean. feeling stuck writing? tell the truth and do it with swag. overcomplicating shit is a charmless habit.

emily north

I always get so existential around the end of the year because my birthday also falls right before the new year so I am faced with having to reflect on the past year and my age in its totality.. Hahaha. My resolutions for 2024 were to workout less, party more, call/text my mom more frequently, see more movies. I did all of those things and had a beautifully expansive year, I think my biggest takeaway is that when I put more effort into expanding my life as opposed to restricting it everything feels so much more manageable. I’ve been trying to not quantify my hobbies and put too much pressure on things that are designed to bring me joy… I really just want to continue living my life in the pursuit of making it as shiny as possible, always. Nothing is ever that serious!! I promise you don’t have to run a certain amount of miles or read a specific amount of books per year to be happy. <3

Angelina Hazzouri

There's value in talking to strangers—we have something in common with every person we meet. I've made more of a point to have intergenerational friendships and conversations this year, and it's opened my worldview in so many ways. I think that once people break the barrier of thinking everyone is perceiving them a certain way, it's easier to engage and be present and let go of inhibitions. Put your screens down! Talk to your neighbors! Be a friendly face!!!!!

Viktoriia Vasileva

Too much planning and self-reflection is counterproductive. It’s a form of procrastination that helps you avoid doing the things that scare you and keeps you away from what you want. This year for me has been about realigning what a successful career looks like, putting my head down, and grinding towards that. I found that my goalpost kept shifting because the further along I got, the more information I received, and the more opportunities that I wasn’t even previously aware of, opened up to me. There have been a lot of ups and downs, and I feel like reflecting too much on my journey would have done me no favors. A healthy amount of delusion is what keeps me positive and patient enough to push forward even when it feels like everything I am doing is stupid. At the end of the day, the winning strategy is simple — be a good person, open yourself up to opportunities and people, and consistently put out the type of work that makes you proud. Everything else is details, and you will figure them out as you go. The world belongs to doers, not yappers and overthinkers!

Arden Yum

I learned this year that the power of manifestation is real! I don’t know how it works cosmically, but speaking my wishes into the universe made them come true (not all the time, but a significant amount!) I think being open with myself and the people in my life about what I wanted made me act in ways that served that dream/goal/purpose. I’m very grateful.

Sherry Ning

You are uniquely you, with or without the friends you have or the brands you wear. You are not a Glossier girl or a Rhode girl; an Alo girl or a Lululemon girl; a pilates princess or whatever predictable and algorithmic caricature social media wants to pigeonhole people as. You are not a black cat gf, he is not a golden retriever bf—you are both people. You're not a Scorpio or a girl boss or a trad cath. Stop it with the slogans. You are someone's daughter or someone's son, you're a wonderfully unique person and you're called to live, not perform.

People will watch and point and critique but, ultimately, they do not care. Don't beat yourself up impressing a world that can't tell right from wrong.

Also, don't confuse being who you are with what you are. Trying to figure out who you are by pure introspection and obsessing over your own existence is like trying to find deep meaning in your belly button. A friend once told me, “Fold the wings of your intellect and bow your head into your heart”, which is to say, without repressing the mind, find that the heart has a place in all this. There are things that make you unconditionally you that’s not attached to what you do. You can't think your way into being, you just have to try and BE by acting very honestly with yourself.

sarah cucchiara

I spent much of 2024 overthinking and unsure of the direction I wanted to take my life. I’m usually quite cynical, I internalize most of my anxiety, but this year I allowed myself to open up and lean on my friends for support. This year introduced me to people I know will be lifelong friends, and it taught me that regardless of the situation, I have people that will always answer the phone when I call.

Hannah Connolly

I think, this year, I’ve learned to invest more in the moment. To buy that gingerbread latte, if I fancy it. To turn off my phone whilst I’m reading. To light a candle before bed and actually take the time to wind down. To give each moment the attention it deserves, as opposed to attempting (badly) to triple-task. It’s a work in progress, but I think I realised that trying to do several things at any given point feels like a whirlwind - and when I look back on whirlwind weeks, or months, or even years, they feel a bit like they’ve passed me by. I don’t want the whole of life to feel like that. I want to be able to remember it; I want it to feel intentional. So I’ve started really investing in each moment, which feels slow, and sometimes boring, but ultimately quite good (like eating protein with breakfast or going to bed early). (It’s a work in progress).

esje

For my fellow singles in their mid-20s: a good date doesn’t always have to be anything more — don’t get too caught up with the rest of your life that you waste a nice moment.

Luisa

In 2024 I shed my old skin multiple times. It was painful unfailingly, but very transformative in many ways. For once I learned that letting go of ideas, people, vices and bad habits wasn’t a linear process. I thought I could let go once and never think about what I was breaking free from again, but I have never being able to leave proudly and with a head held high.

As someone who loves to wear her old gowns as brand new, lay down with my demons, savor the pain of past memories, and indulge in the sanctity of emotional pain as a distraction from real life, I learned (the hard way) that self sabotage is an excuse for change. Maybe a part of me still believes that a known evil is better than an unknown good. But, these last months I have come to the conclusion that trying to avoid change doesn’t stop it from coming. Change is like the ocean. It comes in waves, some are so soft you barely register them going through you. Other times they are so strong they shake your entire core. No matter what they never stop. As long as the world and humans exist the sea will be there, and so will change.

At the same time, I learned that being self aware is not enough. I thought that recognizing patterns in my behavior and understanding why I acted like I acted, where my feelings where coming from, why I was reacting a certain way was all there was to it. But, self awareness is not only recognizing your flaws or behavior patterns. If you can’t recognize your strengths, your skills and the good parts about yourself, you are not as self aware as you think. You are just a bad psychoanalyst.

Remember, if go looking for something bad to think about yourself, you will find it. I encourage you to try and find those little quirks and traits that make you unique. It can be anything. Your cooking skills, your kindness, the inside jokes you share with your friends, your creativeness. Embrace those as well as your flaws. Allow nuance into your life. Stop thinking about yourself in binaries. We are everything in between, everywhere, all at once. I might still struggle with grey areas, but just because I find a concept hard to grasp doesn’t mean I won’t ever understand it. Our brain may trick us into believing we should quit the minute difficult enters the chat. But, guess what? you can do hard things!!! We only need to stop prioritizing convenience and comfort over development.

Lastly, and i mean it, GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE, go for that walk, sleep over at a friend’s, take up dance lessons. Do something that gets you out of your head and lead you towards human connection. I promise once you forgive yourself for being anything but perfect life starts to taste better.

faith zapata

This year felt like experiencing myself in year-form, and by that I mean the good parts were great and the bad parts were terrible. Maybe that’s why out of all the years I’ve lived so far, this one has felt like the biggest challenge of all. Here are some things I’ve learned this year, not in any particular order:

• flirt more

• see your friends more often

• a glass half-full mentality is not always a good thing

• cutting bangs solves everything

• you are not a failure for not doing something right the first time

• look more closely at things before making any rash decisions

• if something or someone is no longer serving you in any positive ways, set it free

• go on more road trips! take the train more! travel more!

• your siblings also being your actual friends is the greatest gift life can give

• it’s okay to be skeptical and less overly trusting

• read more!

• keep some things to yourself

• sometimes shopping sprees are necessary

• don’t put all your eggs in one basket. have one or two other baskets on hand so if/when one of them breaks, at least you still have other baskets

• keep writing, even when you don’t think you don’t have anything to say. you always do. trust me.

me

Just 3 things.

• Humility and getting your head down will get you further than inaction or agony. If you’re in a rut or feeling stuck in a place, creatively or figuratively, embrace it, dive into it, grow within it, let it wash you over. An obstacle is not your punisher — merely a teacher, and you’re not above it. To feel luckier, one should create luck, not wait for it. Rinse, repeat. I don’t understand why it’s taken me decades to learn this, but here we are.

• You don’t have to answer questions you don’t feel like answering. For example, I’ve stopped telling people where I’m from when I don’t feel like getting into a 10-hour elaboration that my origin does not define my politics. I’m a citizen of the world, I say. I also don’t reply to comments that were typed to provoke me. The more I grow, the more the urge to overexplain myself dissipates. Silence can be cute — and powerful.

• It took me a while to accept that I’m not the nicest person and work my way up from this awareness. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that; but if I can’t change my constitution and will always lean towards being a bitch when I’m scared, lonely, or angry, I can at least make sure I double down on kindness intentionally, however performative or faux, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes it’s not the intent but the outcome. My mean streak bleeds into work, relationships, creativity — I don’t want to be a bitch to this world. Being a bitch isn’t sexy even when it’s tempting. I know it’s the slav in me spreading negativity like cheap perfume, and it’s going to take some time to make real progress here.

Amsterdam is beautiful and cozy this time of year. I’m enjoying the pre-holiday rush and sending you love wherever you are in the world. I’m so grateful for nearly 11,000 of you, I can’t believe club reticent was born in 2024. Here’s to more learnings next year, more Cheesecake Factory, putting our phones down, talking to strangers & not too much planning.